I DO. Wedding Dreams Out of the Box.

My long-time friend, Jim Albani, officiates at weddings that are traditional or spiritual or religious in tone and tells me that each wedding ceremony is unique to each couple. He has an e-book of ceremonies his couples use as guides in planning their wedding.

The book is “I Do. Your complete wedding ceremony e-book.” Your guide to creating a memorable and meaningful wedding ceremony. You can get the book at Jim’s website, minnesotaofficiants.com

I told Jim that I would like to blog about his weddings. He doesn’t like to write, I love to write and we both love stories, so here we are at the first blog and the first question is, “What do I write about?” I have a list! To kick off though I will share with you my weddings. And yes, they were unique!

I’ve heard it said that every bride dreams of her wedding day and imagines each fine detail of lace and pearl and crystal, cake and first kiss – or her personal version of all that which defines the presentation of a wedding. Having been a bride twice, and twice only I will declare, it is a fact that no dream of mine evolved the day. My inspiration each time arrived via the groom.

The first husband was – and probably still is – a thrifty sort. We married in our own home. I wore a handmade dress – simple polyester blend of red and white flowers with to-the-knee red skirt. I liked the print at the time. I drove to a neighborhood flower shop for the cheapest-by-the-dozen bunch of roses I could buy. We selected a local judge I knew to perform the civil ceremony. Neither of us was tied to a church or faith.

Our big splurge was time spent on food preparation. We were at home. We had our friends with us. We ate fabulous home-cooked food and probably drank champagne (I don’t remember!).

This wedding from the era of the early 80’s was still a bit “out of the box”; married at home – not a church; civil ceremony – not blessed by God. We did not write our vows and left the words of ritual to the judge. We did not know to care about the process. We were all about the after-party and our limited budget. We could have driven out of town twice for what we spent on the day!

An extremely casual groom inspired the second wedding ceremony for this bride. We were drawn to one another by passions for many of the same things. Highly compatible and at ease with each other we knew we would last through the years.

We were married in a pole barn at the place we first met. The day happened on a frigid Minnesota mid-February afternoon. The groom wore flannels and Carharts. The bride was wearing some sturdy warm boots, long skirt and heavy sweater.

We asked a dear friend, a Ph.D. of Divinity with no church affiliation to perform the ceremony. The groom asked friends from the Mdewakanton traditions to assist in the ritual. We asked our guests to each bring a blanket to be donated to a homeless shelter as wedding gifts.

This was a memorable marriage ceremony. We still talk about it and are moved by it even seven years later. We had no photographer and I don’t think we have saved any photos from friends but my memory is still stirred by awe at all that occurred that day. We did not write vows. We did not choose the ceremony. We wanted a marriage and cared little for the process. Can I say we are living happily ever after? Pretty much.
Everyone who shared in that ceremony shared with us that they were moved deeply not by us, but from being there in participation in a something indefinable that happened between us all on that day. Only my brother – the one living relative present – was a bit put off. “Interesting. I wouldn’t have done it that way.”

We have moved into a new century in which modern means this moment. Trend has redefined tradition. All boxes are open and the contents are strewn across the planet and beyond even thought to be inter-dimensional by some. Word on the street is, you can write your own script for everything including your marriage ceremony. It is expected, welcomed and encouraged that you present yourselves to your guests draped in your dearest dreams for all to see. Your “I Dos” mean your commitment and you choose that commitment.

Be creative. Make meaning. Be memorable. Be wonderful! Leap out of the box into the new dreams you design right now!